Archive for August 2009




An exciting part of my week…

So that was the Mehness of the week. There were moments of excitement though.

Wednesday when I discover I have a bun in the oven

Add a comment August 30, 2009

The Week of Meh…

I’ve been thinking a lot about my state of mind recently, and where I’m at. There’s a sense of personal failure that comes to me with the admission of depression. I know that’s why I resisted admitting to it for so long. It means I’m weak! 

Now, on an intellectual level, I know it’s stupid to feel that, but on an emotional level it bites.

Anyway, it’s been a really, mediocre week – which is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a little more even than being waaayyy down, or waaayyyy up, and while I like being up and happy and bouncy I’ll take what I can get. I knew last weekend that I was hitting a lowish point again, because I had several social committments and I really didn’t want to go to them…which is so not me. Usually, the slightest opportunity to get out and socialise I am there! But no, not this week…I have gone and enjoyed it when I got there, but the actual act of getting up and out the door, THAT was hard.

I’ve managed to drag myself out a number of times for various things, including a visit to the counsellor. It turns out I don’t breathe properly, rather I spend my time in a state of mild hyperventilation, which physiologically speaking, keeps me on edge, so I have a whole lot of exercises to rectify this, along with some relaxation exercises.

4 comments August 30, 2009

Is it freaky because I’m OLD????

You remember that little meltdown last week? Where I made all those promises – exercise, sunlight, yada yada…Yeah. Um well…not so much.
Well I did do one thing on my list…

9 comments August 18, 2009

Just because you deny something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist…

There’s a kind of freedom that comes with admitting something, partcularly when the something is a problem. Usually for me, there is that epiphanous moment when the realisation is crystal clear, a lifting of the spirit (Heh – I initially wrote syrup there!) and a lighter, happier feel. Whether that’s because it’s good to recognise the problem in question or that now there is an answer there is a way of dealing with the issue I don’t know.

But despite the improvement that is usually brought about by an admission, why is it so hard to get to that point? Why do we pull away from recognising something? I know I can be an ostrich with some things, but I don’t know why.  There’s a resistance in admitting to a problem. I definitely do the ostrich thing with small, annoying stuff that I have no control over, but I sometimes do it inadvertently on the big stuff.

Confessions are good for the soul…

4 comments August 10, 2009

Female Appreciation Month

As I’ve said before, music and I, we don’t have a great symbiotic relationship…we don’t have much of a relationship at all. Much like most forms of art – I don’t know much about it, but I know what I like. I don’t put songs on and play them to death, and it’s even a stretch listening to the same artist for more than several songs.

The people who have influenced me most with music are various family members – my parents, my brother, my husband, and now, my children. They are the ones who play music, and I will hear something I like and become interested, but I very rarely go and put something on myself.

Even as a teenager, when *everyone* was in to some sort of music I wasn’t fussed. My biggest influence as a teen was my brother – he was into music. Every pay day he would bring home a new CD, half the time it was someone I’d never even heard of. Which is how I discovered Enya.

I love how she layers her music. That mostly the choir of voices is all her, the music is all her. And her sound is so different from what I know.

Add a comment August 2, 2009

Life…or something like it.

I have been really Meh this week. Actually, it’s probably a little worse than Meh…I have had tension eating up from under my shoulder blades, up my neck, through my jaw and up to the top of my head, resulting in a steady, dull tension headache. If I’m not careful, I predict that in a few days my neck is going to sieze. :/ So I have made a concerted effort to be mellow this week. Hasn’t always worked, but I can but try. So the whole Meh-iness has led to me doing very little in the way of anything except hibernating.

I have identified a couple of background things that have led to this. One of them is obvious and out of my control…my proposed retirement plan has been rejected 😦 I was eligible to apply for a redundancy payout  under the Govt 3% Efficiency and my application got approved by my home agency but DTF knocked it back on the grounds that I could easily be redeployed to OSS @ Cannington. Right! That is an extra ~30-40 mins communte on top of the hour I would be doing. I do not think this will be happening!!!
So that has been a bit of a downer 😦 It also means that I am going to have to go back to work. My leave finishes at the end of September so I am now looking for something else.

There is a job locally that would be perfect – part time, and doing something I enjoy, so I am going to give it a whirl…however, I have applied with this agency before and every time I have had a “Sorry, you have been unsuccessful” within 24 hours of apps closing, so I am not holding my breath.

Also had one child seemingly determined to do their best to go to hospital. Xrays on a suspected broken arm on Wednesday. While we were sitting in the waiting room he discovered a small lump on his forearm which seems to have been a bite and has swelled dramatically over the last few days and is starting to look a little worrying. And on Friday he managed to smash his knee into a wall (late night laser tag in the back yard) and can barely walk. I am thinking there’s a good chance I will be at the doctor’s tomorrow…But, tomorrow being the start of a new week, I am determined that things will improve! I have decreed it! Let it be known!

So to make it happen, I have set myself a seies of little tasks that need doing around home. Forcing myself to get up and moving and on top of things will go a ways to improving me…I just hope it is far enough.  

4 comments August 2, 2009

Female Appreciation Month

Bette Midler

Add a comment August 1, 2009

Female Appreciation Month

Bette Midler

Add a comment August 1, 2009

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