Is it freaky because I’m OLD????

August 18, 2009 Ka'ela Ja'el
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You remember that little meltdown last week? Where I made all those promises – exercise, sunlight, yada yada…Yeah. Um well…not so much.

Actually, I have been feeling a lot better than I was, or at least more motivated, but still not overly sociable so I have been hiding out a bit, although I can feel that improving, which is a win at least.

The one thing I have done is seen my counsellor. I’ve seen her once before, back in … May, I think it was. So I toddled off to see her today. This counselling thing is new to me, and I’m not sure where it’s going, but it is interesting. We talked about lots of things, wandered through various topics and back again. Had a quick look at some deep, dark memories and put them back. Discussed various relationships and generally agreed about which ones work and which ones don’t. Overall there were no real surprises, though I found the work issue, and what went down there, has affected me and hurt me far more than I would care to admit. And she is in full agreement with me that if I was to go back there fulltime at the moment this would Not Be Good.

She wants to see me again to work on defusing me. So I’ll be back there next week to start the process.

See that word up there ^^^ “Overall”…that might need a qualifier. There was one surprise. The M word was put forward…

I’ve been kind of shellshocked since then. I mean, it’s not a diagnosis by any means, but to even consider it…. I got home and was kind freaked out a little…but…but…but surely I’m TOO YOUNG!! *blink* *blink*

But you know, the more I think about it…I’m not sure why this is such a freaky thing. It would explain a number of ongoing issues, and in actual fact in recent months it has been joked about a couple of times. And the actual end result would be a GoodThing. I mean, it’s not like I am going to go down the kid road again. Eewww. So, everything is redundant now 🙂 Of course, the journey down that road might be very interesting…


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9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. girliejones  |  August 18, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    Hmmm the M word eh? I so thought “masturbation” first off and wondered how that was a diagnosis! 😛
    Glad you saw your counsellor, I think they are helpful, if only for sitting and focussing on yourself for an hour.

    • 2. Ka'ela Ja'el  |  August 18, 2009 at 3:34 pm

      LOL! That would be a prescription not a diagnosis!

      • 3. girliejones  |  August 18, 2009 at 3:35 pm

        That’s what I thought!!!

    • 4. Ka'ela Ja'el  |  August 18, 2009 at 3:37 pm

      And yeah – talking to someone who is neutral but can also guide me to the things I maybe don’t want to talk about is what I need.

      • 5. girliejones  |  August 18, 2009 at 3:42 pm

        it’s good I think. Yay you!

  • 6. mynxii  |  August 18, 2009 at 11:19 pm

    Yay you! I know this is all a bit hard at the moment – and I hope that things continue improving especially with the counselling. Also, good luck with the diagnosis *hugs you*

    • 7. Ka'ela Ja'el  |  August 19, 2009 at 11:02 am

      Thanks, mynxii.
      Hope you’re having a great time in Brisbane.

  • 8. hkneale  |  August 19, 2009 at 8:43 am

    If you’ve had all the sprogs you wish to have, then there’s nothing wrong with the M word.
    Meanwhile, did you get a chance to step outside today? The weather was lovely today.
    A cowboy lost his favourite Bible while fixing fences out in the paddock.
    The very next day a cow comes wandering up with the Bible in his mouth. In great joy, the cowboy takes the Bible and says, “Praise the Lord, it’s a miracle!”
    “Not really,” replies the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

    • 9. Ka'ela Ja'el  |  August 19, 2009 at 10:59 am

      I know, I think it was just the shock factor of it all, and it’s kinda like this is almost the “You are officially OLD” sign,and while I know that’s a mindset, it’s taken a bit of an adjustment.
      I did! Tusk and I spent an hour out walking today which was gorgeous 🙂

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