The Week of Meh…

August 30, 2009 Ka'ela Ja'el

I’ve been thinking a lot about my state of mind recently, and where I’m at. There’s a sense of personal failure that comes to me with the admission of depression. I know that’s why I resisted admitting to it for so long. It means I’m weak! 

Now, on an intellectual level, I know it’s stupid to feel that, but on an emotional level it bites.

Anyway, it’s been a really, mediocre week – which is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a little more even than being waaayyy down, or waaayyyy up, and while I like being up and happy and bouncy I’ll take what I can get. I knew last weekend that I was hitting a lowish point again, because I had several social committments and I really didn’t want to go to them…which is so not me. Usually, the slightest opportunity to get out and socialise I am there! But no, not this week…I have gone and enjoyed it when I got there, but the actual act of getting up and out the door, THAT was hard.

I’ve managed to drag myself out a number of times for various things, including a visit to the counsellor. It turns out I don’t breathe properly, rather I spend my time in a state of mild hyperventilation, which physiologically speaking, keeps me on edge, so I have a whole lot of exercises to rectify this, along with some relaxation exercises.


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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. girliejones  |  August 30, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    I read a really interesting article in NewScientist this week that posited that depression was a survival reaction – that it puts the brain in a place that forces it to work through really big and deep thoughts that take longer than the other kinds of superficial thoughts we work through each day.
    Made sense for me in where I was leading up to my depression and kinda makes sense for you too – not a weakness but your brain forcing you to take time out to repair and heal itself from being bashed around from the year you had.

    • 2. Ka'ela Ja'el  |  August 30, 2009 at 1:49 pm

      Thanks. I like that theory, and it does make sense.
      Is that the latest New Scientist? I’d like to have a look at it.

      • 3. girliejones  |  August 30, 2009 at 1:51 pm

        it was online so should be archived

  • 4. chuckmck1  |  August 30, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    It’s a very, very difficult thing to ‘admit’ to yourself that you’re suffering from depression – our whole society seems to be conditioned against it – so please don’t go thinking you’re weak. The fact that you’ve admitted it at all makes you extremely strong, in my book. 🙂

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